Convict training methods, part two.
Prison Workouts
Part Two: Back, Biceps, ForearmsBy The Sensei
“Excellent!” My student was still visibly tired from the pushing techniques I had just worked him on, but mention of a back workout seemed to cheer him right up. “I love back workouts at the gym. But I don’t have any machines here. How am I supposed to get a real back workout?”
I could tell that he was used to pumping up his muscles on the cable pulldown machine. It’s the one piece of equipment bodybuilders seem to rush to when they train their back—maybe along with the seated cable row. That’s because these bits of kit allow them to puff up their back muscles in relative comfort. But “comfort” is a word The Urban Warrior despises! I was going to have to re-educate this kid from the ground up.
“For the first time in your life, you’re going to work back as it’s meant to be worked. But first, let me ask you a question.” I said, partly as an act of kindness, to let him get his breath back.
“Shoot.” He says.
“Okay…” I paused a little for dramatic effect. “What are the most important muscles in your back? The ones that deserve the most training time and effort?”
“That’s easy!” He shot back. “The lats.”
For those who aren’t aware, the “lats” is the abbreviation for latissimus dorsi (Latin for “side-back”). They are those large muscles which, as their name suggests, run up the sides of the back. You may have seen a bodybuilder posing these muscles; when the chest is inflated, they pop out to the sides, like wings, giving the torso a “V” shape. This is one of the reasons they are so important to bodybuilders—they are the only back muscles that can be seen from the front, in a mirror.
“Why are the lats most important?” I queried.
“Well…the lats are the biggest muscles of the back.” He responded, correctly. “So it makes sense to train them with the most energy. Right?”
“Wrong!” I replied. “You are thinking like a bodybuilder, not an Urban Warrior! Size is not as important as function, as I’m sure your girlfriend keeps telling you! Change your thinking, this second!”
He looked crestfallen.
“So…” He sighed, “what are the most important muscles of the back? The traps, I guess?”
“Wrong again!” I said. “The most important muscles of the back are the spinal muscles! The spinal muscles run up either side of the spine, from the coccyx to the skull, like twin columns, or snakes. They protect the spine and help the vertebrae and discs remain securely in place. The spine transmits all the information relaxed between the brain to the body. It also acts as a universal joint, splitting the human machine in two. We can’t run, jump, twist or pivot with a damaged spine. The spinal muscles are major load-bearers in all these activities. Most of the body’s true strength comes from the legs, but this has to be transmitted through the spine. For this reason, the quality of an athlete depends largely on his spinal muscles, not his pecs or lats. Even walking becomes difficult with a minor spinal problem. If a disc pops even slightly out of sync, the result is pure agony. And a clean spinal break will result in total paralysis or death. No wonder so many people have lower back problems today, with modern culture the way it is. Everyone is all about appearance over function. Nobody trains their spine!”
“The spine…right. Makes sense.” My student shrugged. “But don’t you need to work those muscles with deadlifts? Some of the guys in the gym do deadlifts. I thought we were training old-school prison style though, with no extra weights involved?”
I shook my head. “I’m not knocking deadlifts. They are an excellent strength builder. But you don’t really need them. Deadlifts tend to work the muscles of the hips, particularly the lower back. But they don’t work the spine as intensely all the way up. They don’t work the deeper lying muscles of the spinal column. They don’t increase flexibility, or promote vertebrae alignment. In order to achieve all these things, you need the ultimate back exercise…bridging.”
For those of you unfamiliar with bridging, you need to get familiar with it! I had my student drop to the floor, lying on his back. From there, I had him reach behind his head, until his hands were on the floor to the rear of his shoulders. Next, I had him push with his arms and legs until his torso was completely off the floor, and his body was curved…in the shape of a bridge.
The classic back bridge
“Okay, hold that position for twenty slow breaths.” I told him. He managed it, but quivered and shook badly.
“Damn,” he said when he hit the floor. “I could practically feel my spinal muscles cramping up, there!”
“You’ll adapt. Remember, you have just been working muscles you are not used to training. But a cramp is also your body’s way of telling you it fancies a stretch.” I said.
I gave him a basic forwards stretch. Still on the floor, I got him to lean forwards, trying to touch his toes for thirty seconds.
“I don’t think I can hold it for twenty for a second set.” He said, in earnest.
“That’s fine.” I responded. “Just hold it for ten. Build up to the point where you can hold it for two sets of twenty. Then slowly build up over months until you can hold two sets of fifty breaths. By then your spine will be like a steel whip!”
He barely managed to hold himself up for ten, before collapsing. I had him stretch again.
“Okay, let’s finish with neck.” I said.
“Neck? Really?” He asked.
“Remember,” I said, “your spine goes all the way from your hips to your skull. It includes the muscle of the neck. I’ve seen guys working biceps in the gym all day and night, but when do you ever see someone in a commercial gym working their neck properly? Never! And it’s tragic, because the neck is a much more vital bodypart than the biceps. It supports and maneuvers the skull, so a fluid neck is vital for rapid 360 degree perception speed. In combat a strong neck is essential. Boxers train their neck to stabilize the head when they are punched, protecting them from brain damage. And it’s probably the most important bodypart in wrestling and grappling. Just look at the neck of a heavyweight wrestler!”
I proceeded to show him how to work his neck in the best possible way—with no equipment.
“This time, I want you to get in the bridge position, but lower yourself down onto your head, and hold it for five breaths.” I directed. “This is sometimes called a wrestler’s bridge.”
He looked dubious, but managed it. I could see the muscles of his neck bulge with effort under his t-shirt.
“The wrestler’s bridge is an important exercise. Try to build up to holding it for fifty breaths. When you can do that, rock your body back and forwards in the position until you can bring your body up off the floor using neck power alone. If you can do fifty full reps of that, you’ll have a neck strong as a bull. Now you’ve done the back of the neck, I want you to work the opposite muscles, in a front bridge.”
I had him kneel down on the floor with his hands behind his back, and bend forwards until his head was out well in front of him and his forehead reached the carpet.
“Now rock backwards and forwards as far as you can, using only neck power.” I instructed. “Ten reps.”
If you want to try this, it’s a good idea to start with a towel or a slim cushion to protect your head.
“That was really tough,” he gasped when he’d finished. I didn’t realize my neck muscles were so pathetic.
“This is only a beginner’s version of the front bridge.” I told him. The advanced way is to do them in a near splits position bent over, not on your knees. That way almost all your bodyweight goes through your neck. In this position you should even move from side to side, to work the lateral muscles of the neck and throat.”
“Wow. Something to build up to one day!” He said, enthusiastically.
“Good man! But build up strength slowly, to protect you neck. Okay, that’s your first bridging lesson. Up you get.” I prompted.
To my surprise, he bounced back up from the floor, looking out of breath but invigorated.
“Wow. Actually, I don’t feel as tired as I should. My whole body feels alive.” He smiled, panting.
I smiled back. “Bridge work has that effect. Bridging has been called the king of all exercises, and with good reason. As well as training the spine, it also tones up the hands, arms, deltoids, shoulder blades, glutes, hips and legs. It keeps the stomach flexible, and promotes health in virtually every vulnerable joint in the human body. If you only start doing one exercise, make it bridging.”
“Okay,” he said. “I guess that’s back done?”
“No way!” I replied. “Your lats, remember? Even though they are not as important as your spine, the pulling muscles of the upper back—not just the lats, but the complex musculature around your shoulder blades, like the rhomboid, trapezius and teres muscles need work, too. Our bodies evolved when we were still tree-dwelling apes, and these are the muscles that pulled us up from branch to branch. Those powerful muscles are still there in modern humans, but they are dormant. They will grow very quickly, but only if you train them properly—and that means pulling your bodyweight up, not pulling a lighter weight down, like you do at the gym.”
My friend grimaced. “But I’ve never been able to do pullups. I’m too damn heavy. Besides, I don’t have a pullup bar.”
“No sweat.” I said. “We’ll find something. And I’ll show you what you need to do.”
We left the office and before long found the ideal impromptu pullup station. The building’s central metal staircase turned at a right angle and three feet above our heads at that point was a dirty metal bar acting as the bottom rung of the banister.
“Right, overhand pullups!” I barked.
“But I’m not strong enough.” Whinged my student.
“It's not a problem.” I reassured him. “We follow the same system as for the handstand pullups. First, you hold the position at the top, without moving, for thirty breaths. When you can do that for two sets, start doing negative repetitions; kick, push or cheat yourself up into the top position, and lower yourself all the way down as slowly as you can. When you can lower yourself with control on every rep, for two sets of ten, you’ll be ready to do at least one positive rep, pulling yourself up under control, using just muscles, not momentum. Then build up from there. Really strong athletes can then repeat the process using a single arm.”
This is a principle you can use for all bodyweight training, if you’re not strong enough to do the best exercises. Begin by learning to get into the top position of the exercise you want to practice. Then, when you can do it properly, begin holding that top position, statically. When you can hold it for thirty breaths—fifty is better—you’ll be able to lower your weight slowly, and under control. This is called a “negative” repetition. Once you can do two sets of ten good negatives, you’ll be ready to do a “positive”—to push or pull yourself up from the starting position to the top, at least once. When you can do one rep, keep on trying to add a rep every week or two until you can get to two sets of ten.
But your progress doesn’t have to stop there! If you want to reach an elite level, build up to two sets of twenty repetitions in your chosen exercise. When you can do two sets of twenty in good form, Repeat the procedure with a single limb instead of two. Start with static work, then negatives, then finally positives. This applies for various exercises; from pushups to one-arm pushups, pullups to one-arm pullups, squats to one-leg squats, and so on. It’s ironic that most adherents of weight training laud it for being “progressive”, when bodyweight training presents a natural and gentle slope of progression, from beginning to elite level.
Back to the pullups. My student jumped up, kicking with his legs until his chin was level with the bar. He fiercely clung on, trying to calm his breathing as I gently counted his in and out-breaths. Since this was his first time, I had him stop at twenty.
“Not bad.” I told him. Going to a commercial gym had clearly not done him very much good. The truth was he was in nowhere near the shape he should be in, despite having access to his own pumped-up poodle of a personal trainer. But I admired his spirit. Now I was teaching him how to really train, I knew he’d get in peak shape in double quick time. “Pullups can be hard on the shoulders. Instead of stretching, I want you to make arm windmills for thirty seconds, just to loosen them up internally.”
He did so, and repeated the static pullup immediately. This time he managed about sixteen breaths before his arms straightened out against his will. I had him do the windmills again.
“Okay, let’s do it one more time.” I told him. “But this time, use an underhand grip, and place your hands close together. Forget barbell curls, this is probably the best biceps exercise in existence!”
Hearing those words, the would-be Urban Warrior kicked up into pullup position until gravity pulled his arms straight—which was about ten seconds later.
“Wow! That nearly tore my biceps off the bone!” He said, masochistically.
“Good for you.” I replied. “Now put your arms behind you as far as possible in the crucifix position to stretch those biceps. Hold it for thirty seconds.”
He did his best, and despite the beads of sweat dripping from his forehead, he had a smile on his face when he finished.
“My biceps are pumped up!” He exclaimed.
“Ha! Little things please little minds.” I responded, probably unfairly. “But we are not done yet.”
“What’s left?” He asked.
“Well, pullups are excellent for your grip and the bulky muscles of your forearms. But I also like my students to work the smaller muscles of the hands and fingers, both for injury prevention and for functional reasons. Having good hand and finger stamina is essential for everything from combat, to climbing, to stripping a weapon in the field.” I told him. “Try this exercise, called eagle claws, which I learned in China. A good grip is important in many schools of kung fu, for locking, holding and ripping. Stand with feet shoulder width apart, legs slightly bent…”
My student mirrored my posture.
“Now,” I continued, “hold your arms out in front of you, in fists. Slowly, open out your fingers, joint by joint, under full tension. Really tense every muscle as hard as you can. And go slow.”
It took us about five seconds to fully extend our fingers.
“Now, really stretch your fingers out to the maximum, pushing the digits as far apart as you can, and hold for five seconds. Then reverse the movement, tightly moving your fingers and thumbs inwards joint by joint, squeezing as hard as possible on the way. Again, it should take about five seconds to get into a fist. When you get there, clench as hard as you possible can for five seconds. Imagine you are crushing steel. That’s one repetition.”
This exercise stimulates every nerve and tendon from the fingertips to the elbows. I had my student do it for ten reps, which took around three minutes. By the end of it, he was shaking, and breathing heavily, his face screwed up into a mask of sheer pain. After completing the set, he had to shake his hands loose to dissipate all the tension and waste products in his arms. Evil bastard that I am, I made him do a second set. When he had finished, he was running with sweat, and his forearm muscles were standing out like cables.
“Jeez,” he gasped. “I could dip my forearms in cold water about now, and I swear there’d be steam come off ‘em.”
“Excellent!” I complimented him. “We’ve covered chest, shoulders, triceps, back and arms in…let’s see…ten killer exercises. And that’s not even counting all the stretches! All with no special equipment. And it’s taken, what? Thirty minutes so far?”
“I have to say it, you're right,” my student admitted. Prison-style workouts with no equipment or weights can build serious strength and muscle, not just endurance. From now on, I won’t complain about being “locked up” here at work all night. I feel like I’ve just had the best most complete workout ever. Thank you, Sensei!”
I turned to him with a sadistic glint in my eye.
“Complete workout? HAH! Typical gym bodybuilder. You’ve only done upper body! Time to turn your lower body into steel, boy!”